I started my "fast" yesterday. Basically I am on shakes - at least 3 a day; 2 prepackaged entrees; and 5 fruits and vegetables. I need to lose 25 pounds before the surgery and am cutting it close but believe it is doable. My weight was 351 when I weighed this afternoon with the bariatric coordinator. It was 357 when I was at the surgeon's office so at least I am down some. I figure I will lose about 8-10 lbs this week.
In addition I need to up the exercise. I have been doing pretty minimal amounts so far and every bit at this point will help.
I am excited and the time feels all at once like it is too slow and too fast. It's crazy! I hope to be a much healthier happier slimmer me by this time next year :)
Monday, December 15, 2008
Friday, December 5, 2008
32 Days to Go
In 32 days I will be walking down the hallway on my way to surgery. I am nervous. I am excited. I am anxious. I am afraid - afraid of failure. I haven't been successful at other diets. What if this is more of the same? What if I don't lose? What if I do - then can't handle it and gain it all back? Am I ready for attention both positive and negative because of my choice to have weight loss surgery? Am I ready to make the commitment and be accountable for every bite, every morsel that crosses my lips for the rest of my life? Will it negatively affect my friendships?
People I have told will be watching. They will watch every bite, every drink. They will watch to see how much I lose and where I am losing it from. They will give their unsolicited opinions on what I should and shouldn't do. They will ask personal questions and feel like the deserve an answer. Some will think I took the easy way. Those people will wait to see me gain the weight again.
Deep breath...close my eyes...relax. For years I have wanted to have the surgery. Now is the right time. I can only be accountable for myself - not for others. I have a WONDERFUL spouse. He is there for support and has been a shoulder whenever I have needed one in the past. This WILL NOT change. He may change as our relationship will change - for the better I think. We will be more active. I can do more without fear. Fear of other people. Fear of not fitting in booths, rides, stalls, seats on planes, etc. This gives us a chance to go out and live together without my weight holding us back.
In just 32 days I will start a new journey.
People I have told will be watching. They will watch every bite, every drink. They will watch to see how much I lose and where I am losing it from. They will give their unsolicited opinions on what I should and shouldn't do. They will ask personal questions and feel like the deserve an answer. Some will think I took the easy way. Those people will wait to see me gain the weight again.
Deep breath...close my eyes...relax. For years I have wanted to have the surgery. Now is the right time. I can only be accountable for myself - not for others. I have a WONDERFUL spouse. He is there for support and has been a shoulder whenever I have needed one in the past. This WILL NOT change. He may change as our relationship will change - for the better I think. We will be more active. I can do more without fear. Fear of other people. Fear of not fitting in booths, rides, stalls, seats on planes, etc. This gives us a chance to go out and live together without my weight holding us back.
In just 32 days I will start a new journey.
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